Membership Privileges

May 25, 2023

In my column the other week, I mentioned that I used to be called "Debbie" when I was young, and I closed with a Don't try it now reminder to any who might get fancy ideas about resurrecting that name. My best-friend-since-7th-grade, Anne, texted me: Love today's newsletter! And the 'Debbie': LOL. See, Anne somehow never found herself able to switch to "Deb"; her kids even call me "Auntie Debbie." I reminded Anne that they are the only people who still get to call me that, and she replied, Membership has its privileges.

My husband and I were walking to the gate at a Red Wings game when I spied Uncle Phil checking passes for the VIP parking lot. "Hi, Uncle Phil!" I shouted across the rows as I waved. Given that I have no uncle named Phil, David looked at me in confusion, which visibly deepened when Uncle Phil answered, "Uncle Phil loves you!" and I called back, "I love you, too!" I explained to David that everyone who promotes stuff "out and about" in Rochester knows Phil Salamone: He's everywhere, he's everyone's Uncle Phil, and he loves us all. David said, "You belong to a strange and wonderful club."

"Membership has its privileges." "A strange and wonderful club." What club IS this? Well, it's different from what we typically mean by that word: What Anne and David are talking about are clubs of connection. As soon as you meet someone where they are, as soon as you show them you see them, that you know who they are—even if, like my beloved best friend, you can't bring yourself to call them the right name—you've created an experience that makes that person feel visible, that much more themselves. The club's membership can be as vast as the whole world, as in Uncle Phil's club, or as tiny as a parent who conveys to her child you are you, and you are fabulous.

One of the pandemic's great tragedies is that it robbed us of opportunities for connection for so long, making me vow never again to take it for granted. So I hereby invite you into the strange and wonderful world of people who do their best to help others feel part of the human club. Uncle Phil is the president. He says he loves you.

—Deb