This is Us

April 27, 2023

One day early last week, I sent my family the following text:

I waited. No one responded, except for my husband, who texted “?”

How can this be? I thought. Surely they know that in this case "I am Groot" means we need to get tickets for opening night of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, which happens to fall on my birthday. No one responded, so I texted again, a little more emphatically:

Still nothing from the other Rosses. I'd thought I was tapping into a shared family assumption about how we always see Guardians on opening night, but it turns out the movie's upcoming release was on no one's radar but mine. So I had to explain in English rather than in Groot.

But the fact that I was wrong in that case doesn’t erase the power of the way shared sayings, assumptions, and inside jokes bind people together and give them an implicit understanding that "this is Us." My own family of origin had no sense of that Us-ness—my parents simply didn’t think in such terms—and so it’s not surprising that we fractured over the years.

My friend Rebecca’s family, in contrast, shares endless "this is Us" concepts and sayings that reflect the strength of their extended family's identity and their willingness to welcome others. Their most essential phrase captures the spirit of her late son, Dane: "Do everything with love," which they abbreviate to DEWL. As soon as you embrace the spirit of DEWL, you’re part of her family.

So lean in to your own family’s sayings, your inside jokes, your special language... it will help bind everyone together and keep you smiling. And consider adding DEWL to your vocabulary. That way, even if the words are "I am Groot," your family will always know you're saying it with love.

—Deb