Bricks and Stitches - May 4, 2023 | Kids Out and About DMV <

Bricks and Stitches

May 4, 2023

Debra Ross

I was 5 or 6 years old, and Dr. Neustein chose not to lie to me. He didn't say, "It's just a tiny cut" or "This won't hurt a bit." What he said was: "Okay, you'll lie here, and I'll sew up that nasty gash on your forehead. It will hurt some, but it won't take long. It's fine if you cry, but you might not. It's up to you."

It was up to ME? Really? No one had said that to me in just that way before. I decided to see if Dr. Neustein was right: As he sewed three or four stitches, I said "OUCH!" loudly and emphatically. I vividly remember drawing out the "CH" part, so it sounded more like a two-syllable word. "Ou-CH." My eyes welled up, but I didn't scream, I didn't flail, and I stayed calm, even though I didn't want to. I remember being proud of myself.

I took something valuable away from that experience: the sense that you can't choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you react. I'm sure I thought of it differently when I was 6, more like "How you feel is different from what you do about it." It was helpful when other kids were mean. It was helpful when my parents got divorced. It was helpful when I didn't get into the college I wanted, and when my first business collapsed, and when Ella had what we call the "Brick-Diving Incident" when she was 4. It framed a life in which I could feel bad when things were bad, but not let those feelings get in the way of figuring out how to manage the circumstances. I'm lucky to have understood this early.

I have a birthday coming up this weekend. So I touch the little scar near my hairline and remind myself that how I feel about adding another digit is different from what I'll do about it, which is: celebrate. We came through Covid intact, as many did not. I'll never not be grateful to be alive in a time and place where I can make good things happen.

Besides, I'm going to see the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie with my family tomorrow. When you're in the presence of a superhero raccoon voiced by Bradley Cooper, it's easy to see the bright side of anything.

Deb